Who Will Be the Next Drummer for Foo Fighters?

We Ranked the Top Contenders, From Sensible to Spiritually Unhinged
by Trey Snivels, Senior Percussion Speculator at SpinFork™

The Foo Fighters are once again drummerless, following the mysterious and abrupt offboarding of Josh Freese, who was last seen exiting a rehearsal with two broken sticks and what he described as a “non-disclosure agreement in 7/8 time.” So now the question rebounds harder than ever:

Who will take the throne behind the kit — and survive it?

We scoured the industry, the astral plane, and several off-brand Reddit forums to bring you the most likely, least plausible, and dangerously rhythmic candidates.

1. Travis Barker’s Left Arm

Likelihood: 8/10
Chaos Factor: 11/10

Let’s be honest: the rest of Travis Barker is booked. But the arm? Freelance. Available. Motivated. A prosthetic stand-in molded from raw punk energy and tattoo ink, it’s rumored to have sent in an audition tape filmed entirely inside a Whole Foods bathroom.

✅ Pros: Already knows the entire Colour and the Shape album by muscle memory.
🚫 Cons: Demands its own tour bus. Cannot clap.

2. Animal from The Muppets

Likelihood: 6/10
Chaos Factor: 12/10

Animal remains a chaotic frontrunner. After the Dave vs. Animal Drum-Off™, we all felt something shift — cosmically, spiritually, legally. Muppet Law experts claim Animal is technically still under contract with Electric Mayhem, but he’s been seen lurking near Foo tour buses with a travel-sized cymbal and a jar of raw hamburger.

✅ Pros: Unfiltered passion.
🚫 Cons: Once ate a ride cymbal. Will do it again.

3. The Ghost of John Bonham (Hologram Tour Version™)

Likelihood: 3/10
Chaos Factor: 10/10

Bonzo’s ghost continues to haunt industry group chats. And with new developments in AI-generated drum fills, there’s growing support for a full Zeppelin-Foo hybrid show, tentatively titled Foolithic Park™.

✅ Pros: Classic tone.
🚫 Cons: Poltergeist clause in rider.

4. A Drum Machine Possessed by Dave Grohl’s Sleep Paralysis Demon

Likelihood: 4/10
Chaos Factor: 13/10

Described by insiders as “an 808 that screams,” this cursed rhythm device generates patterns based on Grohl’s dreams, regrets, and suppressed memories of Nirvana rehearsals. One tour manager quit after it played “My Hero” backwards and cried.

✅ Pros: Always on time.
🚫 Cons: Will not stop at 4/4.

5. Dave Grohl Again (But Wearing a Moustache and Calling Himself ‘Craig Percussington’)

Likelihood: 7/10
Chaos Factor: 6/10

Dave’s already played drums in Nirvana, Tenacious D, Queens of the Stone Age, and his daughter’s birthday party. He’s ready to step back in — but only in character. “Craig” insists he’s never heard of Foo Fighters and demands to be paid in Baja Blast.

✅ Pros: He’s already in the band.
🚫 Cons: Will try to open for himself under a fake jazz-fusion side project.

6. A Folding Chair With a GoPro and a Stick Taped to It

Likelihood: 2/10
Chaos Factor: 8/10

Dubbed “Chad,” this sentient seat has been seen at multiple Foo Fighters shows just… waiting. Some fans say it knows the setlist. Others say it knows too much.

✅ Pros: Doesn’t complain, doesn’t miss a beat.
🚫 Cons: Flat performance. Literally.

7. A Sentient Pile of Spaghetti With a Passion for Rock

Likelihood: 1/10
Chaos Factor: Parmesan

Discovered in the parking lot of a Dave & Buster’s, “Tony the Spaghetti” laid down a 47-minute solo on napkin percussion and then vanished into the mist. Foo insiders call him “too intense for mainstream consumption.” But so was Grohl once.

✅ Pros: Warm, noodly, expressive.
🚫 Cons: Doesn’t understand tempo. Or boundaries.

Final Thoughts:

The throne is empty.
The sticks are waiting.
The Foo Fighters must decide: will they choose discipline? Mayhem? Or something… al dente?

Either way, we’ll be there — emotionally raw, rhythmically confused, and crying into our tour merch.