Progressive Band, Fractal Spleen, Releases First-Ever Nonagon Set, Prompting Immediate Retaliation from Tool

“Why release a box set when you can trap your legacy in nine unequal sides of sonic excess?

In a move described as “technically brilliant and emotionally exhausting,” math-rock outfit Fractal Spleen has unveiled the music industry’s first Nonagon Set™ — a nine-sided collector’s experience intended to “obliterate the concept of linear discography.

The set includes:

• 9 vinyls that can only be played in a specific Fibonacci order
• A decoder wheel that reveals lyrics in dead languages
• A cursed guitar pick sealed in beeswax
• And a ninth item that cannot be perceived by the human ear, but still costs $42.99

“It’s not a box set,” explains frontman Elliptik Shard. “It’s a ritual polygon of revelation. A standard four-sided box cannot contain the geometry of our pain.”

Fans of Tool, predictably, responded with a Reddit thread 16,000 comments long and a crowdfunding campaign for a Tesseract Set.

Pitchfork gave it a 9.0, but only after rotating their screen 40 degrees clockwise and chanting the band’s name backward.

Meanwhile, Pearl Jam quietly released an octagon-shaped pizza cutter and called it a day.