Found CD: “The Bathroom Sessions, Vol. 3 (Live from Arby’s)”

By SpinFork Staff | Found CD

We found it in a Goodwill electronics bin wedged between a humidifier and a copy of Now That’s What I Call Eyewitness Testimonies, Vol. 2. A burned CD-R labeled “The Bathroom Sessions, Vol. 3 (Live from Arby’s)” in what appears to be lipstick. Naturally, we took it home, bleached it emotionally, and hit play.

What we heard cannot be unheard.

Tracklist (Transcribed Between Gag Reflexes):

1. “Flush Reverb (Intro)”
   A slow ambient build of toilet flushing, urinal pings, and someone beatboxing in a stall. Hypnotic. Possibly unintentional.
2. “Mozzarella Moon”
   A mournful acoustic track believed to have been recorded entirely with a sandwich wrapper over the mic. The lyric “I loved you like curly fries on payday” haunts us still.
3. “Wipe Symphony (Part I–III)”
   A 14-minute sound collage that begins with layered paper rustling and ends in what can only be described as an interpretive plunge.
4. “Drive-Thru Confessional”
   Spoken word piece delivered through a cracked headset. Mentions betrayal, pickles, and “the ghost of Meat Mountain.”
5. “Arbycore Breakdown”
   Unexpectedly goes full metalcore at minute 2:13. Backed by the rhythmic beep of a fryer basket. Screaming may or may not be due to hot oil exposure.
6. “Don’t Look Under Stall Three (Bonus Track)”
   Features a distorted voicemail and what we believe is a live possum.

Who Made This?

The metadata is corrupted, naturally. The only tag reads:
Artist: TRASHKETBALL
Genre: Lavacoustic™

We Googled it. The only result was a YouTube comment on a Limp Bizkit video from 2009:

“TRASHKETBALL NEVER DIED. THEY ASCENDED.”

We’re now legally investigating.

Physical Packaging

The CD came in a cracked jewel case lined with receipt paper and what we can only pray is barbecue sauce. The inside sleeve reads:

“Recorded in secret between the hours of 2:15am and 3:02am. Mixed using a stolen Bluetooth speaker and raw willpower.”

Our Verdict:

Sonic quality: tragic
Emotional impact: profound
Legal clarity: nonexistent
Arby’s reaction: no comment, but their Twitter blocked us