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BREAKING: Sludge Monster Terrorizes Chicago with Endless Scatting — Officials Blame Dave MatthewsBand’s 2004 Tour Bus Dump

“It’s here. It’s rhythmic. And it’s… moist.” CHICAGO (Spinfork Newsflash)— Chaos is unfolding downtown as a large, sentient sludge creature believed to have originated from the infamous 2004 Dave Matthews Band sewage incident has risen from the Chicago River—and immediately begun scatting. The creature, identified only as The Matthews Muck, is currently sliding its way […]

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