It started with one ironic lipsync. A smirk. A smolder. A dead-eyed glance into the front-facing camera while Knorkator’s aggressively unrequested cover of “All That She Wants” played in the background.
Then came another.
And another.
And now the algorithm has curated a hell specifically for you.
Every scroll is haunted by the same warbled synth. The same breathy German vowels. The same people half-performing like they’re trapped in a karaoke hostage situation.
You are not imagining it.
This is sonic entrapment.
You are being held hostage by a mid-’90s Ace of Base cover performed by a band named Knorkator.
Knorkator.
Your phone knows.
It feeds you more.
At first, you tried to fight it. You skipped. You scrolled. You whispered “no more babies.”
But now the song lives inside you.
It plays when you’re brushing your teeth.
It plays when you’re at Walgreens.
You heard it in the wind.
We reached out to a cognitive neuroscientist who said:
“This is how civilizations collapse. Not with a bang. But with a Knorkator loop.”
And now, for reasons no one can explain, your thumb hovers over the ‘Record’ button.
You are not safe.
None of us are safe.
🧠 If you or someone you know has been affected by the Knorkator Trend, you may be entitled to compensation in the form of one (1) fresh track to replace the worm. Might we suggest ‘Tubthumping’? It’s the only way out.
